The graphics for this article all come from WAM's Share Your Story Collection. Each one is a declaration of one possible way to see the world. We all decide what our narrative will be. What's your story? Copy the picture at the very end of the article to make your own declaration or find a blank one on @wampod 's Instagram page. Share with us how you are interacting with the World Around You.
Accept yourself and your human nature. No matter how ugly.
As humans, we reject ourselves a lot. We stop ourselves from doing things that are not socially acceptable, we compromise when we don't want to, we agree to do something for our boss or our lover even though we don't want to, then we curse them behind their back like its their fault. We lose friendships, we judge others, we see things going on in the world and say, "Ugh. I could never do that."
But what we don't realize is that almost all the negativity and misery in our lives can be traced back to us. We create it.
This is something that has taken me a lot of unlearning. I don't know if it was religion or society that taught me to be ashamed of the human in me, but in my adult life I'm rejecting that notion and trying something else. Giving myself grace, as well as others.
What kind of notions am I talking about rejecting?
Well anything you judge another person for. I read in a book called The Four Agreements that when you look at another person, you are looking at a mirror. Any action they take that you disapprove of is really an indicator that you would never allow yourself to act in that way. That when you hear those thoughts come from inside, you judge yourself, thus, you judge others when you see it, too.
Take this as extreme or as lightly as you'd like. Whether we are judging someone else for posting an ugly picture on social media or betraying a close friend, we get angry or irritated or look down on others when we reject the same human impulses inside of us. Accepting yourself and your human nature will help silence these negative thoughts.
These thoughts are not always "bad" - I think sometimes we have to take a stand - rejecting certain behaviors and holding onto others - otherwise who are we and what do we believe in? (Some spiritual teachers will say your identity then becomes a part of a whole, a oneness with God and Being, but not everyone will attain that or want to.)
The key, I think, is to reject those beliefs when they are detrimental. Notice when there is shame attached. Notice when you are judging someone for doing something that doesn't endanger another individual. Whether or not you would also choose that is not the point, but whether or not you feel like you could weigh both options and choose either one without rejecting yourself, without shame, is the real question.
There is a time for everything. There is a time when it is appropriate to forgive, but also a time when it is appropriate to turn and walk away. There is a time when you should embrace and a time when you should give a stern word. A time when it is right to publicly speak out and a time when you should let it simmer, think it over, and wait it out. How could we possibly know what is always appropriate for the moment?
We can't.
and that's okay.
It's also okay for others.
Feel justified in your decisions, do not regret, but do not be ashamed of your humanity when you see it in others.
This goes somewhat against what I was taught as a Christian. I learned that we are all good at birth, and then we are taught to hate by society. By all of humanity. And that we have to reject that. Die to ourselves. Fight our human selfishness. But we Christians are no different than anyone else; we pass on our dysfunction, just as it was done to us. Not on purpose. We recreate hate, shame, condescension, pain, confusion and slander, often while we think we are creating love and harmony.
One example is the confusion caused in a relationship by one party not saying how they feel for fear it will hurt the other person. The mess that comes after only gets more convoluted. Gaslighting, misunderstandings, mistrust, resentment and distance are sure to follow. All because we didn't want to offend.
That is really unhealthy for ourselves and our relationships. Think of it: we do not allow ourselves to say what is inside of us, what is authentic, because we don't want to offend. We are rejecting our true feelings. We probably also judge others when they are offensive. Don't say that, be nice, we think. But it is not always best to hold our tongue. And being "nice" isn't always appropriate.
On the other side of the coin, maybe you are a very assertive person. Maybe you hate when others are nice because it isn't productive or authentic. You judge other people for doing it, because you wouldn't allow yourself to be weak, to take the higher road, to let something go if it's important. But not everything is do or die. Sometimes it is appropriate to exercise compassion.
For me, I try to work more toward accepting myself and recognizing myself in others. I think it's more sustainable to approach it from a more understanding point of view. I choose to believe that everyone has their own justified reasons for behaving the way they do. If you were to get to the bottom of why anyone does x, y, or z, I think you would find more in common with those you reject than you think. At the very least, you would understand them.
If I can give you a parting piece of advice, its this:
A healthier tomorrow involves recognizing your humanity in others. You will love yourself more completely and find it easier to understand and sympathize with the world around you.
What do you think?
Xx, Alison
